This story was published in Radio Recall, the journal of the Metropolitan Washington Old-Time Radio Club, published six times per year.
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OTR FANCIFUL MARRIAGES
by Jack French
(From Radio Recall, December 2004; originally from October 1998)
1) If Hedda Hopper had married Titus Moody, divorced him, and then married Dennis Day, she’d be called Hedda Moody Day.
2) If Mary Noble had left hubby, Larry, and next became the bride of Doc Savage, she would then be Mary Noble Savage.
3) If Madame Queen had left her Amos ‘n Andy circle and married, in succession, Sky King and Goodman Ace, she could call herself Madame Queen King Ace.
4) If Lonesome Gal had gotten outdoorsman Mark Trail to the altar, she would have become Mrs. Lonesome Trail.
5) If Gracie Allen had declined the engagement ring from George Burns, and instead married his rival, Fred Allen, and next married Mel Allen, she’d be Gracie Allen Allen Allen.
6) If Ilka Chase had wed OTR band leader Al Katz, she’d answer to “Ilka Chase Katz.”
7) If Ann Southern had married, in order, the trio of Perry Mason, Artells Dickson, and Peter Lyon, she would be Ann Southern Mason Dickson Lyon.
8) If Margot Lane had left Lamont Cranston and wedded detective Charlie Wild, she would then become Margot Wild.
9) If Vera Vague had wed Little Jack Little, and later married Bob Hope, she could sign her name “Vera Little Hope.”
10) If Young Widder Brown had married again, this time to Ezra Stone, she would be Young Widder Brown Stone.